he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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