She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
zippers are such a cool invention
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
