If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
