After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
