So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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