Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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