So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
