I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
