Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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