Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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