question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
