I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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