I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
