i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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