You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
