you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
