In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
