im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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