While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
