Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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