I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
