Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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