whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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