is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
