im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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