I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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