I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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