11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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