but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
