I want to have your abortion
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
