hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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