Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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