i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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