and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
