$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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