They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
