do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
