Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
