I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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