woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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