I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
