Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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