hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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