I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
