Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
