HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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