Got a toothbrush?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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