My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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