woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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