Yo dont text me then not text me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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