My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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