just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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