Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I still have a little drunk in my system
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
