I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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