Too much gin, very little bucket
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
