somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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