I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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