She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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