Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
