if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
