god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
