Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
