I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
