im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
