JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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