my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
