dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
