You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
should my penis look like a turkey
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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