I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
