Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
