she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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