I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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