dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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