The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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