The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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