Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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