Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
