You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
