Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
